To The Girl Who Broke My Husband’s Heart

You don’t know me because we have never met. However, I’m sure you have heard my name as I know yours rings a familiar sound. It’s not a sound that I hear anymore, however years ago I heard it much more often than I would have liked. You see, when my now husband and I started our friendship back in college he told me all about you. Never did he have a negative thing to say. He complimented you and shared your picture with everyone he met as if he was the luckiest guy in the world.

 

After him and I not talking for months, I was shocked to hear that you two had separated. It turns out that a mutual friend was in town and had stopped by to see him, only to discover that he was indeed single. It was that same day we got back into contact (thank goodness for texting because I was at work that afternoon). It was like a day hadn’t passed at all. When we spoke he didn’t mention your name or the fact that you had hurt him. Instead, we talked about life, dreams, the ocean, and music. Within in a few days, he hopped a plane to Florida to spend a few weeks at the beach before helping me move back to college.

 

It was in Florida that he told me about what had happened between you two. It was there that I realized how much damage had been done by the girl who walked away without ever looking back. There is no need to go into details about what it was that happened, because it’s really no one else’s business.  I will say however that it made the start of our relationship way more difficult than either of us would have liked.  As the years have passed, those things don’t even cross our minds any more.  Ultimately, we grew closer and tackled hurdles together that seemed nearly impossible at times.  With that being said, almost 7 years later there are things I would like you to hear.

 

Let me start by saying that if I had written this years ago, the tone of it would be very different. There was a point when I was just mad. Mad that I got to pick up the broken pieces you left behind and mad that you hurt him so badly. However, that’s not what I really want to share with you. Over the years, I have realized how much damage guilt and shame can cause. Apply Miley Cyrus’ song lyrics to wrecking ball here. Seriously though, these things can come flying in when you least expect them and they can sometimes linger for days or weeks drudging up outdated feelings.

 

I personally haven’t thought about you for years until Just the other day when someone said to me, “Jen, it looks like you won. You guys are almost celebrating your five year anniversary, you have a beautiful baby girl, great jobs, and everything seems to be perfectly in place.” They said more before I could stop them, but it’s not important to write any of that here. Honestly, hearing that didn’t make me happy. It didn’t bring joy or a sense of victory. It made me sad. Not sad that you’re not married with kids. It made me sad that someone would even suggest that it’s a competition. It made me sad to think that maybe you have heard these things from someone else.

 

So, to the girl that broke my husband’s heart, here is what I want you to hear. I don’t know where you are or what you are doing with your life, and quite frankly, I’m more than content with that. However, I do hope that you are happy. I hope that you find (or have) a guy who will fit perfectly into your story, a guy that will respect and cherish you as the daughter of the King. I hope that you recognize that you deserve to be cared for and protected. I hope that you have healed from the hurt of your own broken relationships and that you don’t allow any unhealthy guilt or shame from old choices to ever weigh you down. I hope that you find joy in life and that you pursue your dreams, whatever they may be. I hope that you recognize your value and that you stand up to anyone who ever says otherwise. I hope that someday, when your ready, you can have a beautiful family and that you too can experience the joy that comes with marriage and children.

 

Just as much as those things, I hope you know you’re not my enemy. There might have been a time when I felt that way, but the truth is, I’m just another girl who has hurt and been hurt in the past.

 

You know, I used to dread the idea of running into you. Being that we have family and quite a few friends in the same town, I’m shocked it has never happened. However, I hope that if we ever do pass one another in a store or a gas station, that we can smile knowing that we are both in the right place, with the right person, living the life that was intended for us. Maybe it will never happen, but there is peace in knowing that if it does, we don’t have to pretend not to notice one another. We don’t have to avoid eye contact or entire grocery aisles just to prevent what some people might consider “an awkward moment”.

 

So, from the girl who got to pick up the pieces, I wish you the best. You, like any other daughter of a loving and gracious King deserve to be happy!

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I am a wife and full-time working mom who’s journey through every day life is sometimes sloppy and sometimes not. This is a place where I write openly about the joys and the struggles that I encounter throughout my day. My hope is that it can be a conversation starter for tough topics and that it can provide a sense of comfort for others who are journeying through similar situations.

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